A WOW Moment

"Wow!" he exclaimed at the top of his lungs so everyone else in the restaurant could hear. Not just once, but each time the waiter arrived. He was very excited by whatever he was being offered--whether it was a glass of water, a basket of bread or his very own kiddie menu.

My son has seemed to emanate enthusiasm ever since he was born. He runs up to strangers with an endearing wave and "hi" as if to say, "You are so great! I'm glad you're here!" And, like many children, he applauds with delight at a new discovery, whether he's hit a particularly high note during a rendition of "Happy Birthday" or an 18-wheeler catches his fancy out of the window next to his car seat. At 18-months, he's really into celebrating the world.

One of my friends once told me she was trying to cut down on how many compliments she gave her young daughter. Rather than saying "Good job!" or "Well done!" she went through a period of trying to instead say things like, "That looks like fun!"--the idea being to put the ownership back on her child so she didn't grow up looking to outside sources--as so many of us do--for her value.

I liked that idea. I understand the importance of giving a child an inner sense of self-worth rather than an outer one. My friend, however, after a few weeks of trying the tee-totalling approach of avoiding affirmations fell off the wagon. She decided moderation was a better way--a little of supporting her daughter's self-ownership by putting the onus back on her, a little of telling her daughter what she appreciated in the form of compliments--more in line with the "Children Learn What They Live" approach. As the famous poem goes, "...if a child lives with appreciation, she learns to appreciate."

A Chinese proverb is "If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people." Or, as my son would put it, his sparkly eyes lighting up--"Wow!" I am continually learning about the ways of the world from this wee one, more so than any proverb can teach me.

During that meal in the restaurant, the lesson came in the form of the smile that beamed across the waiter's face every time he approached our table and he and Devin exchanged effusions of appreciation. As I silently witnessed their encounters, I realized that Devin wasn't just appreciating the waiter because of how generous and great he was at offering us all that stuff out of the goodness of his heart and the description of his job. Devin was appreciating the waiter because it felt good to do so. What a win-win moment the one in which a compliment is uttered can be.