What's Up With Blogging?

"What is all this blogging about?" a relative asked me over Christmas festivities. I paused. The question came as if there was a plan, as if I knew. I wasn't quite sure how to answer because, you see, there isn't. A plan, that is. This blogging is about...well, er (uncomfortable silence)...well, it's just fun. It, uh...(more silence coupled with significant squirming)...well, it just feels right.

I usually like to move through life not by following what others think is right for me, but rather, well, intuitively. I like to figure things out on my own and do things MY way--what feels right in the moment and works best for me rather than what the "experts" recommend. On my more self-judgmental days, this approach to life (motherhood, getting published, etc., etc.) feels rebellious, selfish and fills me with doubt. Other days, I have a gentle acceptance of the whole issue. It's just who I am. It's what works for me. Intuitive feels right. But, I have to admit it's not always easy to not be following a formula, especially when someone asks me what I'm doing.

So here we are. Blogging. It's what my intution said would be good for me, like so many other things that make absolutely no sense and are a far cry from what all the publishing books say I should be doing right now with my time instead...marketing, marketing, marketing, finding an agent, creating a platform, writing proposals not books and I say, "Bah! Humbug." Obviously, they don't know that the life of a mother then writer doesn't leave much for all that and where's the love? Where's the joy? For me, it's here. Blogging. Doesn't mean I won't do all that other stuff someday, but for me, although this blog isn't part of any sure plan, it feels like there is a plan hidden within each post I make--a sneaky plan, an intuitive one, one that just feels right. I just don't know quite why yet, or where it's heading me.

I have learned more from teachers who have been honest about their own "stuff" than I have from polished speakers who seem to have it all together. Somehow, when each of us are honest about our own humanity, everyone can take a deep sigh. It's like, "whew! thank goodness I'm not the only one!" So, here within this blog I can honestly say there is no plan, really, and I kind of like that. I'm having fun.

Blogging is one small act in my life that continually challenges me to be not perfect, but rather real, to not to have it all together but simply to flow. Creatively. Imperfectly. Many blog entries become mantras in my mind and never make it to the page. But when I have a moment--a split second (or more ideally about 20 minutes!) between diaper changes, folding laundry, digging in the dirt with the little one, and doing everything else that makes my oh, so imperfect life tick, I write my blogs. Perfect, they are not. Books, they are not. But they are mine and they breathe life into my dream of being a published author on days when that seems more like a dream than a goal I can grasp.

The only way to go, I think, is to simply keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep doing what we absolutely LOVE (which in my case is writing and creating and blogging) and watch the magic happen! Although I'm not exactly sure HOW, I just know blogging is part of that equation. I love it. It moves things through me, it magnetizes things to me. So, I'm trusting. I'm blogging. I'm watching what happens next.